the lonely shepherd (of_bad_faith) wrote,
the lonely shepherd
of_bad_faith

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black ficathon fic//"his favorite cousin"


"What would you like to be when you grow up, Bellatrix?" Elladora queried, her fierce, sharp, black eyes boring into mine.

"I would like to be the best duelist there ever was." I smiled, leaning back into the chair, dreaming of what I wanted for my future.

"And you, Andromeda?" she posed the question to my younger sister; redheaded and meek, Andromeda was the "thinker" of the "Unholy Trinity" as those who knew us and thought we weren't listening dubbed us.

"I would like to... well, I would like to be history." She knew not then what history she would become, or she would never have wanted it. She loved us then.

"Narcissa?"

"I would like to be the most beautiful queen. I would like to rule the world--wizarding and possibly even muggle. They could make handy slaves, I'm sure. Or House-Elf companions!" Narcissa was always the ruthless one, even when we were young. She was good at getting her way though, so she acted innocent as a little virgin. With all the sexual spells she knew, I'm not sure she was ever a virgin, but I digress and lose the point in my ramblings.

The point, and I will state it here for you succintly and clearly: we all wanted things we, in some way or another, achieved.

I am, you see, Lord Voldemort's left hand--and we all know he was a "southpaw" as Sirius would have said. Sirius, another cousin I killed. You see, his family's blood was tainted, or so I shall put it. I killed them all.

Andromeda made history, rather infamously. She deserted the family, ran to a Mudblood, and had a Halfblood child--that she named Nymphadora! Nympha-fucking-dora!

Narcissa, well, Narcissa is now Narcissa Malfoy. That should say it all, but not everyone is as familiar as I with the inner workings of the world. The Malfoys control. That would be the correct verb to associate with them, yes. They control. As the Blacks seduce, the Malfoys control. Naturally, Narcissa had the best of both, though she was by blood a Black only. She and Lucius are probably the most influential couple the wizarding world has ever or even will ever know.

Then, there were Sirius and Regulus, our close cousins. I say close simply because I am not quite positive how close. Close enough that our sexual escapades would bother you, in more was than one, certainly. Sirius was "brave", you could say, but reflecting back on us now I would say mostly foolish but with enough bravery to appear brave rather than a pompous oaf.

Regulus was Andie's bloody pet. She coddled him so much--so much that it ruined him. I say ruined but I mean killed. She killed him--not me, I swear!

Well, I suppose I should start from the beginning of that one, lest I confuse you even more and risk losing even my own understanding of these events.

It began, I would say, when I joined the Death Eaters. I joined the Death Eaters to further my dream, that is to be the "best duelist", though at that point, I needed only infamy and recognition and fear--fear that only my name alone could inspire. The Death Eaters are a "gang" of sorts formed by Lord Voldemort to keep Mudbloods, Muggles, and lovers of the aforementioned far away from the wizarding world. I agreed, and, I though all my family, with these ideals. Most purebloods did. All purebloods of any rank did.

Regulus was always curious about what we did. So I decided to show him by taking him to my Lord, who I assumed would be overjoyed to snare another Black, but he was not as enthralled as I. He was a convincing enough actor that I believed him enough to help him join. I helped him with everything I could, but my best was just not enough for him. He began questioning the ideals of the Death Eaters. Lord Voldemort would not have that and sent me, his most loyal follower, to carry out his justice.

***

Flashback
It is a cold winter night in Muggle London. There are a few people out on the streets, but not many. We are alone now, and I suppose it is best. I only wish it could end in a better way. He deserves better. I don't deserve his blood on my hands, not yet. After this I can no longer pretend I am immaculate and I will no longer try.

"Regulus?" I tap him on the shoulder and he whirls around, pointing his wand at me. I recoil, then pull out my own, but by then he recognizes me.

"Bella? Is that you? Oh god, what have we gotten ourselves into?" He groans, massaging his temples and looking tired and worn-out.

"You mean you. I have gotten myself into nothing. Regulus, what happened to you?" I plead, because I don't want to kill the cousin I grew up with. Would you want to? Would you be able to?

"My bloody conscience awakened, I s'pose." He is grumbling now, frowning at me as though I'm doing something wrong.

"Oh cousin, please reconsider. You don't know what will happen to you if you continue on this dangerous path."

"Or do I? I know that you're here to kill me, Bella darling. I know that you'll do it. Since you will, why don't you? Why don't you just bloody get it over with? It's boring waiting. You know He'll send someone else if you don't." He smiles bitterly, taking out a cigarette. They always were his favorite addiction. It was an obsession of his, though his were magically enhanced, as would befit a Black. A true Black, that is, not Regulus. Andromeda must have given him a conscience before she ran out on us and now it was finally awakening.

"Did Andromeda curse you?"

"Is it so hard to believe that I actually have morals, dear? Or must everything be taught by your "traitor" of a sister? Well, she explained to me a bit of her situation before she left. I loved her, you knew that, so obviously her betrayal effected me. I suppose it made me realize how silly our prejudices are. He loves her. Have you done better?" His tone is now so serious, and he speaks with a great conviction--the greatest conviction I've ever heard him speak with.

"You don't know how hard this is for me." I whip out my wand and he grins, he grins the way Sirius does, a big smile with shining white teeth and says "You always were my favorite cousin, you know." and I close my eyes. "Avada Kedavra!"

I open my eyes to see a blinding green flash, so I don't see the body drop, but I hear it. It is loud in the silence, or perhaps it is just that I have murdered my own blood that gets to me. I look at him and I see that smile on his face. The goddamn smile that's haunted me since Sirius left. A lone tear slides down my cheek and freezes in the chill air. I drop to my knees and kiss his lips gently, then his forehead. He was a Black so he should be given the rites as such. I slowly stand up, barely holding back tears, and realize the full magnitude of my actions. I killed my own flesh and blood. Not ordered someone else to. I did.


And I was always his favorite cousin...

End flashback

***

That was the end of my innocent years, the real end. I couldn't go on with that charade any longer. I confessed to Narcissa, because she was all I had left and hoped and prayed that would be enough for Regulus. He was Andromeda's favorite and therefore he was mine. I was his favorite though. There was always an unspoken rivalry between the two of us, the eldest of the sisters, and this was a battle I won. A battle she wanted to win--but one that I won.

They say "the first cut is the deepest" and I learned the hard way that yes, it is. Because once you cut, once you kill...

You can never go back.

***

Bellatrix went on to kill their parents and Sirius, the elder brother. She eventually ended up in Azkaban for over a decade, but it only succeeded in driving her deeper and deeper into her mind. She may no longer remember Regulus. It is unknown.

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